26 Things I Wish I’d Known About Chronic Pain
Photo by Ruvim Noga
Chronic pain + me = a 20-year relationship.
Yup, one of the longest-term relationships in my life. And definitely a relationship I could’ve done without.
Living with chronic pain has been a wild and expensive rollercoaster ride that’s required oodles of money, time, effort, and grit.
Chronic pain has led me to the darkest of places. It’s beaten me down so hard that I never felt like I would feel or know anything else.
But, my relationship to and with my pain has started to change. For the better.
I’m still scared, but I’m also hopeful. I’m still tired, but also excited about finding new ways of being in my body.
Chronic pain no longer defines me as a person. It’s not my whole story. I’m not letting it be.
So, here are 26 things I wish my younger self knew about chronic pain:
Your pain is real. If you feel it, it’s real. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Language matters. How you talk to and about your body is important. Can you find replacements for words like “broken”, “my bad _______ (body part)”, “never”, or “always”?
Prioritize rest.
Your body is brilliant. It’s figured out ways to adapt to the injuries, health conditions, illnesses and pain. These adaptations might not serve you over the long-term, but they’ve carried you through until now. Your body is trying to do it’s best for you and the pain is a way of your body trying to get your attention.
You’re not broken or in need of fixing. See the point above.
Do more of the things that nurture and nourish your entire being. Singing in the shower. Time in nature. Drawing. Going for coffee with friends. Whatever might nurture your heart and soul, do more of it.
Normalize simplicity. It’s ok to let go of people, things, and situations that aren’t supportive or helpful. It’s ok to do less. It’s ok to be intentional and protective with your time and energy.
Your emotional state is connected to your physical state. Stress, fear, and anger can show up in the body as tightness, breath holding, clenching, or bracing, all of which can contribute to more pain if they become chronic. Take care of your emotional being. It’s just as important as your physical being.
Hone your curiousity muscle. A whole new world will open up when you start approaching your body with curiousity instead of judgment.
You’re more than your pain.
Educate yourself about pain science. Even learning a little bit can be so validating and empowering.
Learn how to pace your day. It’s gonna take a lot of trial and error to find what works. It’s worth it to find out.
You’re worthy of living a life that’s not dominated or characterized by pain.
Pain relief is important. Whatever it is: massage, medication, whatever—pain relief is important because it reminds your body how good it can feel. But if relief is the only thing you’re seeking it’ll take longer to get out of the cycle of pain. You need to learn new habits, new movement patterns, and different ways of living in your body for long-term change.
Be wary of anyone who claims they can heal or fix you.
Find a welcoming space. One of the best things you can do is to find a space/environment where it feels safe to move and you’re encouraged to listen to your body. One suggestion is to find a trauma-informed yoga or movement class where the teacher encourages you to make the best choices for your body in each moment.
Without bypassing or ignoring the currently reality, can you also ask yourself: what’s working well right now? What is feeling good? What is helping me?
Find practitioners and teachers who help you regain a sense of agency and awareness over your body. This can be hugely empowering.
Find at least one other person who understands what it’s like. Living with pain can be incredibly isolating. Having a friend, family member, or colleague who gets it can make a world of difference.
Find ways of moving that feel nurturing, not punishing. It’s easy to stop moving when you’re in pain. But keep exploring and find ways of moving that feel easy, gentle, and nourishing. Even a few minutes can make a big difference.
Your body isn’t fragile. Although it might be experiencing pain, it is strong, capable, and dynamic.
Talk to a mental health practitioner. Living with pain is challenging and can feel like a rollercoaster. Having the support of a licensed professional can help.
You’re unique. How you experience, manage, and shift your pain is unique to you. There is no one-size-fits all, template, or quick fix.
Hold both / and. Is it possible to notice other sensations in your body alongside the pain? Perhaps there’s one spot in your body that feels neutral or pleasurable. Can that place coexist along with the other body sensations?
The pain can change. Just because your next-door neighbour has had the same back pain for 30 years doesn’t mean you will.
Don’t lose hope. Even on the darkest of days, hold onto hope. With the right support, knowledge, and tools, it can get better. Don’t give up.